In the beginning
I need a place that I can blog about what is happening with my mom. Today, my blood pressure was so high that I don't know what would have happened if I had not accidently came across my former therapist. How she happened to just be there ... I dont' know. I thought they were moving her to a different place all together!
It started with mom calling to make sure I was going to be there to get her. A message on my phone ... "You better be here! I don't know what I'm going to do if you're at home asleep!" (I was already in the parking lot.) The tone of voice was rude and demanding.
As tired and sick as I've been, it didn't really put me in the best of mindset. Add to that the fact that I even had to have her car because my 18 year old had wrecked our car ... and it was not a nice place for my brain to be. To have her start off to call and start off with accusing me of not coming while I'm already there ... wasn't exactly a good start to the day.
She then says "Take me to Quik trip. NOW!"
Well, ok then, there are nicer ways of asking, but whatever. I ignored her and just did it.
My diabetic mother with celiac disease comes out with
a 44 oz of Mountain dew and TWO SUPERSIZED Recess Peanut Butter cups!!!
Mom!! You can't have that stuff! "Yes I can!" and her bottom lip stuck out like she was 3 years old, it started to quiver.
As we get onto the express way she screams at me to get over ... I quietly say "there is a huge truck in the way." then she starts in on telling me that if I ever get into an accident with her car like Samuel is doing to our car, I better have the insurance to cover it.
By this time, I'm ready to take her home and let her skip her appointment. But I know it's a $50 missed appointment fee. I have no idea what's gotten into her or why she's climbing down my neck for no reason.
I just know it's been a rotten week for me ...my dad's been in town, and that alone makes it difficult for me (it's never been an issue for her, but with her problems with what's going on, could it be now?) and with Samuel's accident, me being sick I just can't take this!
So then she calms down and thanks me for the ring. (birthday) she tells me she put some acryclic over it because her skin always manages to wear the cereal off of it.
I ... obviously have no idea what she means by this. I say "what?"
she says that her skin for some reason is hard on rings and rubs the cereal off of rings, and so she puts acrylic on them. I'm at a total loss. I think for a moment and put my previous skills as a mom to a kiddo with auditory processing disorder to work and think ...
why would she put on acrylic to keep from rubbing off cereal?
Maybe silver?
So I say oh the silver!
Uh oh! I should have played along. Would it have hurt to have let her believe that rings are made of cereal? really? Would it have, did she have to know she'd gotten the word wrong???
I didn't know I was walking into a BOMB...
"I'm 69 years old! Do not tell me what rings are made of! How dare you tell me that! I've been around for a far sight longer than you! I know rings are made of cereal! I know what I'm talking about. I've been to college, have my degree ... you couldn't even finish going to beauty school! I know that rings are made of cereal! How dare you try to make me look stupid!"
Well ... good ... paranoia, anger ... and confusion ...cruelty ...can we add anything else to the mix today?
Then we get to the issue of the car ... but we won't, because it's 4 am and I will do it at another time. Maybe when I can do so with a little less frustration.
So by the time we get to the psychologists office she's in a frizzy, telling me I'm mean, and I'm trying to make her feel guilty and I'm not different than her mother (who she hates, and was cruel and one of the most physically and emotionally abusive women I've ever met). Well, I didn't respond overly well to that. Although, I am not sure I did it inappropriately. I did tell her that just because someone is angry, does not mean they are trying to make you feel guilty or trying to manipulate you ...and they certainly are not grandma. Nor do you have the right to call them grandma just because you don't like what they have to say.
She didn't like whatever it was her psychologist said. He evidently told her that I was right on most counts ... not that it helped.
She continued to pout and say that we must have gotten ahold of him and now he is out to get her too.
Oh boy.
It started with mom calling to make sure I was going to be there to get her. A message on my phone ... "You better be here! I don't know what I'm going to do if you're at home asleep!" (I was already in the parking lot.) The tone of voice was rude and demanding.
As tired and sick as I've been, it didn't really put me in the best of mindset. Add to that the fact that I even had to have her car because my 18 year old had wrecked our car ... and it was not a nice place for my brain to be. To have her start off to call and start off with accusing me of not coming while I'm already there ... wasn't exactly a good start to the day.
She then says "Take me to Quik trip. NOW!"
Well, ok then, there are nicer ways of asking, but whatever. I ignored her and just did it.
My diabetic mother with celiac disease comes out with
a 44 oz of Mountain dew and TWO SUPERSIZED Recess Peanut Butter cups!!!
Mom!! You can't have that stuff! "Yes I can!" and her bottom lip stuck out like she was 3 years old, it started to quiver.
As we get onto the express way she screams at me to get over ... I quietly say "there is a huge truck in the way." then she starts in on telling me that if I ever get into an accident with her car like Samuel is doing to our car, I better have the insurance to cover it.
By this time, I'm ready to take her home and let her skip her appointment. But I know it's a $50 missed appointment fee. I have no idea what's gotten into her or why she's climbing down my neck for no reason.
I just know it's been a rotten week for me ...my dad's been in town, and that alone makes it difficult for me (it's never been an issue for her, but with her problems with what's going on, could it be now?) and with Samuel's accident, me being sick I just can't take this!
So then she calms down and thanks me for the ring. (birthday) she tells me she put some acryclic over it because her skin always manages to wear the cereal off of it.
I ... obviously have no idea what she means by this. I say "what?"
she says that her skin for some reason is hard on rings and rubs the cereal off of rings, and so she puts acrylic on them. I'm at a total loss. I think for a moment and put my previous skills as a mom to a kiddo with auditory processing disorder to work and think ...
why would she put on acrylic to keep from rubbing off cereal?
Maybe silver?
So I say oh the silver!
Uh oh! I should have played along. Would it have hurt to have let her believe that rings are made of cereal? really? Would it have, did she have to know she'd gotten the word wrong???
I didn't know I was walking into a BOMB...
"I'm 69 years old! Do not tell me what rings are made of! How dare you tell me that! I've been around for a far sight longer than you! I know rings are made of cereal! I know what I'm talking about. I've been to college, have my degree ... you couldn't even finish going to beauty school! I know that rings are made of cereal! How dare you try to make me look stupid!"
Well ... good ... paranoia, anger ... and confusion ...cruelty ...can we add anything else to the mix today?
Then we get to the issue of the car ... but we won't, because it's 4 am and I will do it at another time. Maybe when I can do so with a little less frustration.
So by the time we get to the psychologists office she's in a frizzy, telling me I'm mean, and I'm trying to make her feel guilty and I'm not different than her mother (who she hates, and was cruel and one of the most physically and emotionally abusive women I've ever met). Well, I didn't respond overly well to that. Although, I am not sure I did it inappropriately. I did tell her that just because someone is angry, does not mean they are trying to make you feel guilty or trying to manipulate you ...and they certainly are not grandma. Nor do you have the right to call them grandma just because you don't like what they have to say.
She didn't like whatever it was her psychologist said. He evidently told her that I was right on most counts ... not that it helped.
She continued to pout and say that we must have gotten ahold of him and now he is out to get her too.
Oh boy.
Labels: decline, frustration, paranoia
posted by 30 years from Darling at
3:56 AM
1 Comments:
Oh dear, what an odyssey of the absurd your day was! I know that feeling when dealing with dementia; you just want to say what the heck (or stronger word) are you talking about? I used to play along with my mom's odd delusions, and at times actually got her laughing at how silly we got even though I don't think she could explain why it was funny.
I hope this blog helps you cope. I look forward to reading!
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