Stunned, Flabbergasted ... And all that entails

Ok, so those who care for my mental health .. and physical health ... have frequently tried to get me to take a step back from my mom's health care.

My feeling is that they don't quite *GET* it.

They see the stress it puts me under. They see that I have Myasthenia Gravis and Lupus and have a husband with health issues and to them ..it's case closed.
Pk has a healthy sister ...let her take care of the mother. End of story.

With all that has gone on ... and over the last 2 months ... I've listened to those who care for me. I've stepped back ...and in the last 2 weeks with the family chaos, been shoved to the back seat.

I've just had a HUGE shock.

While I've been letting my sister take the lead on caring for my mom ... and letting my mom make decisions that she's claiming she's able to make ...

I just let my mom's health be put at a HUGE risk.

My mom fainted in December, and their best guess ... TIA.
She has right sided weakness ... but it was hard to tell because of the severity of weakness due to Post Polio syndrome.

She's had a hip replacement and a knee replacement.

The weakness and balance issues caused by the issue in December were SO severe that she's been on a walker since then. The physical therapist graduated her to a cane in late May. Her first foray with a cane was my sons graduation. At which time, she fell.

In the fifteen months, she's had NINE falls ..yes .. NINE .. in those falls ..she's broken a total of 8 bones. 2 bones in her hand, one in her wrist, 2 ribs and a chip of bone off her knee and 2 fingers.

So ...what has knocked me off my kiester?
My brother in law brought the van to my niece (they borrowed it to help my mom move) at 11 pm last night. He told my husband about all the stuff she has that is just plain junk. (Mom is a horder, like her mom and sister). Then said what made it so very hard wasn't all the junk, but hauling it all *upstairs* ...

EXCUSE ME?

Mom has a second floor apartment?!?!?
On stairs ...with an outside staircase ..that will get ICED over during the winter ... and because it's a retirement home, not an assisted living, they are not required to salt or clear walkways.

No lifts, no elevators ... just a staircase .. a cement bouncing ground for her to fall down when she is weak ...or unbalanced !

Who in the WORLD allowed this. (besides myself?)

Yes, I'm feeling rather responsible. I stayed totally out of her moving, and I did it on purpose. I did not have anything to do with her getting a new place, or choosing an apartment ... or when she'd move. I did leave it up to my sister to help ...throughout the process.

I tried to force my sister into stepping up to the plate in helping to care for my mom. This, is what it gets me.

Today, my PCP referred me to a GI for evaluation for an ulcer ... you should be inside my gut right now. It's seizing up tighter than fort knox! If I had any doubt that it was an ulcer before this moment, I don't now.

I called my mom and said "SECOND FLOOR?"
"Yes, it would have been another 2 months before they had a first floor available"

AND????

(rent is identical to where she is)

"I wanted to get moving"

Then I asked the question I never should have asked.
"How are you going to afford gas to get to and from church when you couldn't afford it when you lived 2 blocks from church and where is your closest grocery store?"

"The closest grocery store is 2 miles from me. I figured if I couldn't afford gas I could ride with you."

"Mom, if I didn't have room in the car for you, your walker, Don and his walker when you lived 2 blocks from church, how am I going to have room now?" (our car rides 4 ... we have 4 in our family ... she also moved 3 miles the opposite direction from church..so it'd be 6 miles on our gas)

"oh, well maybe you could take the boys and Don to church and then come back and get me?"

"Mom, driving makes me tired, and you want me to drive 8 miles to church, drop the guys off and then drive 11 miles to your place, pick you up, then drive 11 miles to church, drive 11 miles to drop you off and then drive 11 miles to pick up the guys and then drive 8 miles home? And who's going to stay at church to keep it open with them while they wait for transportation?"

"oh, I hadn't thought of that."

" Besides, there is still the issue of the walkers if you take it to church. Don doesn't take his remember, but it's still in the car if he needs it. If you take yours, then he's forced to take his to make room for yours. That's why I arranged for transportation for you when you couldn't drive."

"oh"

"speaking of which, has the doctor cleared you for driving more than 2 miles?"
"no"
"And so you moved clear out of town"
"yes, I liked the apartments"

"how far is it to the grocery store?"

"2 miles"
ok
"How far to the doctors?"

"well, she just moved, so that's not an issue"

"Mom, I've got the same group of doctors, they moved right across the street from where they are"
"oh, didn't think you were staying with them."

"how far?"

"10 or 12 miles"

And it was how far?
5 miles

So you've moved 11 miles from church
12 miles from doc
2 miles from food

and 10 miles from your closest friend ...

"But I like the apartment"

"BUT IT'S ON THE SECOND FLOOR"

"but I like the apartment"

"keep your cell phone with you incase you fall " ...oh, and call Debbie first"

I didn't say that last part ... I oh so wanted to ... but I didn't. Besides ... look what letting my sister take the lead got me. A mother in a second story apartment. (which by the way, I can't climb the stairs to ....)