Contemplations
A week ago, we got a new puppy. The how is a bit complicated. She wasn't planned. But we love her. She will be very good for Don ..and I think we'll be able to actually train her to help him. (assuming we can train her to not chew on the oxygen tubing!!!)
I showed Mom her picture on Sunday ...then took her over to see Mom on Monday. Today, I mentioned her to my mom on the phone and my mom said "What Puppy?!!?? You did not tell me you got a puppy!"
I reminded her that I showed her the picture and brought her by on Monday and she got upset and said I may have showed someone else at the church picnic, but I totally ignored her. (not true) And that she hadn't seen me in 2 weeks, so there is no way that I could have brought the puppy by to see her. I reminded her that I brought the puppy by when I brought the check for the cell phones. She insisted that I'd mailed the checks. Nope, didn't do that.
Sigh.
So, this weekend, our family life will change dramatically. My niece, 22 years old will be moving in with us. My sister, probably will not be speaking to me for the rest of my life. She is furious with me for helping my niece in her 'rebellion'.
What I've learned in the last week ..is why I'm not getting help from my sister with my mom. Her judgemental nature and insistance that someone adhere to her strict standards ...is impossible. My niece is being disowned for the simple fact that, at 22 she wants to hold hands with her boyfriend. My sister, quite literally, called her a hypocrite, said she needed to come back under their umbrella of authority and 'regain her salvation' and that she because she wanted a 'physical relationship' with her boyfriend was subject to Romans 1.
In Romans 1, Paul was talking to the Jews who were participating in all kinds of sexual immorality, beastiality, sexual 'gifts' to idols ..and God said that he would give those to the lusts of the flesh. Holding hands with ones boyfriend comes anywhere near this level of sexual sin!
Even if it *did* this would be it would be between her and God, not her and them. (what happened to Romans 2:1 ..judge not, lest you be judged (or in a newer translation, the same measures that you judge others, is what you will be judged with, I do hope they are prepared!)
They have only allowed her to work part time. They limit her outside activities. They had told her she could not move out of the house until she is married.
Her very insisitance on being treated as an adult is, in their opinion, a rebellion. Her desire to go to Bible college was heresy. (women are in the home, under a man's authority, therefore it is unnecessary).
I am so proud of this young woman. Not only has she made a stand for her rights as a woman, an Christian, and an American, but she's done it with respect for her parents beliefs. Never raising her voice to them. She's done it, quietly and calmly, simply stating that she would be moving out, and making her own decisions.
When she decided that she would be making her own boundries with her boyfriend, she wrote out a contract with her boyfriend and gave them to her parents.
So much better than I'd have handled it (or did when I was asserting my independence).
My mom, heartbroken because her family has imploded, or exploded, or both, agrees, that she must side with her granddaughter, is worried sick about the 2 minors left in the home. Neither of us know what to do about them. Obviously, since they are not talking to me, and it will be questionable if they will talk to her or not ... what will happen to them. Will they clamp down unreasonably hard on the 2 left in the home (the 18 year old moves away to college in the fall ...16 and 6 year old still at home)
I am wondering if I should write them or not. My sister knows That I do not think she has any real authority over my niece. My niece should respect them, but she has no authority that she has to obey.
I showed Mom her picture on Sunday ...then took her over to see Mom on Monday. Today, I mentioned her to my mom on the phone and my mom said "What Puppy?!!?? You did not tell me you got a puppy!"
I reminded her that I showed her the picture and brought her by on Monday and she got upset and said I may have showed someone else at the church picnic, but I totally ignored her. (not true) And that she hadn't seen me in 2 weeks, so there is no way that I could have brought the puppy by to see her. I reminded her that I brought the puppy by when I brought the check for the cell phones. She insisted that I'd mailed the checks. Nope, didn't do that.
Sigh.
So, this weekend, our family life will change dramatically. My niece, 22 years old will be moving in with us. My sister, probably will not be speaking to me for the rest of my life. She is furious with me for helping my niece in her 'rebellion'.
What I've learned in the last week ..is why I'm not getting help from my sister with my mom. Her judgemental nature and insistance that someone adhere to her strict standards ...is impossible. My niece is being disowned for the simple fact that, at 22 she wants to hold hands with her boyfriend. My sister, quite literally, called her a hypocrite, said she needed to come back under their umbrella of authority and 'regain her salvation' and that she because she wanted a 'physical relationship' with her boyfriend was subject to Romans 1.
In Romans 1, Paul was talking to the Jews who were participating in all kinds of sexual immorality, beastiality, sexual 'gifts' to idols ..and God said that he would give those to the lusts of the flesh. Holding hands with ones boyfriend comes anywhere near this level of sexual sin!
Even if it *did* this would be it would be between her and God, not her and them. (what happened to Romans 2:1 ..judge not, lest you be judged (or in a newer translation, the same measures that you judge others, is what you will be judged with, I do hope they are prepared!)
They have only allowed her to work part time. They limit her outside activities. They had told her she could not move out of the house until she is married.
Her very insisitance on being treated as an adult is, in their opinion, a rebellion. Her desire to go to Bible college was heresy. (women are in the home, under a man's authority, therefore it is unnecessary).
I am so proud of this young woman. Not only has she made a stand for her rights as a woman, an Christian, and an American, but she's done it with respect for her parents beliefs. Never raising her voice to them. She's done it, quietly and calmly, simply stating that she would be moving out, and making her own decisions.
When she decided that she would be making her own boundries with her boyfriend, she wrote out a contract with her boyfriend and gave them to her parents.
So much better than I'd have handled it (or did when I was asserting my independence).
My mom, heartbroken because her family has imploded, or exploded, or both, agrees, that she must side with her granddaughter, is worried sick about the 2 minors left in the home. Neither of us know what to do about them. Obviously, since they are not talking to me, and it will be questionable if they will talk to her or not ... what will happen to them. Will they clamp down unreasonably hard on the 2 left in the home (the 18 year old moves away to college in the fall ...16 and 6 year old still at home)
I am wondering if I should write them or not. My sister knows That I do not think she has any real authority over my niece. My niece should respect them, but she has no authority that she has to obey.
Labels: family explosion
posted by 30 years from Darling at
4:56 PM
2 Comments:
Your niece is one incredible lady. I can't imagine going through what she is - and handling her situation with wisdom and grace well beyond her years.
You are right to shelter her and respect her wishes and needs.
Too bad her parents are still living in the dark ages. I wonder why they are so afraid? I know society is really lax - basically anything goes, but still, firm, gentle guidance is usually what works best - not outright forbidding a child's normal growth.
You do have your hands full (and your thoughts). I don't know if writing to your other nieces and nephews will do any good at this point in time. However, that being said, it is good to keep the lines of communication open. At least they will know there is a loving family member to listen to them.
And don't underestimate the strength and compassion of your niece to help her siblings out of this situation when the time comes.
Whew! What a dilemma.
God bless you and your family.
Enjoy your new puppy. I do hope the new puppy will not chew the 02 hose! Not good!
I appreciate all the insightful comments on my blog - have a wonderful Sunday.
PK: What a complicated life you lead, and how well you've handled the latest knotty problems!
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