Response to Contemplations
I started to comment to Wendy and Femail Doc in the comment section, it turned into a blog post, so ... I moved it to a blog post. *grin*
Wendy thank you for your comments. The encouragement helps. I hope you're right about the helping getting through.
My 6 year old niece went into R's room while she was packing and was crying. Telling her she shouldn't move out ..she isn't supposed to move out till she was married. She shouldn't move to Aunt Peggi's and Aunt Peggi shouldn't be helping her.
All I could think of was how awful to manipulate a 6 year old little girl to do such a thing!! To put her in such a position! While I know she is heartbroken at loosing her older sister, those ideas didn't just 'get there'.
Maybe, when she's older, the idea that maybe I *should* very well have helped will be there.
Femail doc, yeah, it gets complicated. Ironically, it doesn't feel complicated most of the time. (which used to frustrate the daylights out of my therapist, she felt it was a form of denial, maybe so, maybe not.)
I think, there is enough laughter,
Add to that, I have very long standing friendships
... one goes clear back to 2nd grade, another to 4th grade ...
and SEVERAL from high school have been re established ...
as well as the support system I have in place here.
Not to mention good medical care.
Another thing that I think helps is expectations for life.
I don't expect it to be easy. I never thought I was 'owed' anything.
I've never had to say 'why me' but rather ..if it can happen to my neighbor, why not me as well. It's not a matter of placing blame, but getting through.
I also don't spend a lot of time in fear. What happens, happens. That's not to say I'm not afraid .. I have my moments.
When the electricity goes off and I hear my husband's compressor's alarm go off ... my stomach LURCHES.
When the electricity comes back on, life goes on.
When my mom can't comprehend what is going on, my heart breaks ... but I don't spend too much time dwelling on what will be.
I simply cannot live that way. It would destroy me ..and I cannot afford to be destroyed
Wendy thank you for your comments. The encouragement helps. I hope you're right about the helping getting through.
My 6 year old niece went into R's room while she was packing and was crying. Telling her she shouldn't move out ..she isn't supposed to move out till she was married. She shouldn't move to Aunt Peggi's and Aunt Peggi shouldn't be helping her.
All I could think of was how awful to manipulate a 6 year old little girl to do such a thing!! To put her in such a position! While I know she is heartbroken at loosing her older sister, those ideas didn't just 'get there'.
Maybe, when she's older, the idea that maybe I *should* very well have helped will be there.
Femail doc, yeah, it gets complicated. Ironically, it doesn't feel complicated most of the time. (which used to frustrate the daylights out of my therapist, she felt it was a form of denial, maybe so, maybe not.)
I think, there is enough laughter,
joy
and a place to vent
(blogs, my writings, prayer, faith etc)
to balance out the rough and weird stuff.
Add to that, I have very long standing friendships
... one goes clear back to 2nd grade, another to 4th grade ...
and SEVERAL from high school have been re established ...
as well as the support system I have in place here.
Not to mention good medical care.
Another thing that I think helps is expectations for life.
I don't expect it to be easy. I never thought I was 'owed' anything.
I've never had to say 'why me' but rather ..if it can happen to my neighbor, why not me as well. It's not a matter of placing blame, but getting through.
I also don't spend a lot of time in fear. What happens, happens. That's not to say I'm not afraid .. I have my moments.
I usually blog about them.
When they happen.
Then ... I go on with life ..
and laugh with my family
and don't let them take over.
When the electricity goes off and I hear my husband's compressor's alarm go off ... my stomach LURCHES.
When the electricity comes back on, life goes on.
When my mom can't comprehend what is going on, my heart breaks ... but I don't spend too much time dwelling on what will be.
I simply cannot live that way. It would destroy me ..and I cannot afford to be destroyed
Labels: emotions
posted by 30 years from Darling at
8:02 PM
2 Comments:
Wow - you have the magic formula! I read somewhere that an eastern psychiatrist or psychologist or someone (eastern as in Asia), said the trouble with westerners (us) is that we expect life to be perfect. And it's not.
I can say right now that I am guilty of that. I read too many fairy tales growing up and always figured life would be just like that. Whoa - was I wrong.
I don't feel that I'm owed anything, but I've always expected things to go smoothly. Ha! Life's not like that.
The second thing that impressed me about you is your letting go of fear. I am trying, really trying that one. I don't think I was fearful before. Actually, I wasn't, especially with my polyanna attitude.
But since my parents death (10 years ago) and my husband's diagnosis (6 years ago) and let's just throw some menopause in there to worry about aging - I have become a fearful person.
When the power goes off, my heart LURCHES too! And it takes a good long while to get back to normal.
I am working on it. I know Faith plays a good part in letting go of fear. But I really take my hat off to you!
Oh and your last line says it all "you can't afford to be destroyed".
You are so right.
And I'm working on that one too. Fibromyalgia is pulling me back on track. Now I HAVE to look after myself.
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